Old

 

All my life I did the right things. I ate right, didn't smoke or get a tattoo, was celibate and live calmly, kept regular hours and drank plenty of water but no alcohol. I walked a lot, looked both ways before crossing the street. I've been rewarded by being allowed to get old.

There’s a dry kind of truth in that, isn’t there? Almost like a contract that actually held: you kept your side of the bargain, and life—more or less—kept its side.

A lot of people do many of those “right things” and don’t get that outcome. Not because they failed, but because the world is indifferent in ways we don’t like to admit. So there is something quietly remarkable in having made it this far with enough steadiness and judgment to still be here, reflecting on it.

At the same time, I hear a bit of wryness in how you put it—“rewarded by being allowed to get old.” Not exactly a parade and medals. More like: you followed the rules and the prize is… continued existence, with all that comes with it.

But there’s another way to look at it that doesn’t contradict your view, just adds a layer. Getting old isn’t just something that happened to you as a reward; it’s something you actively built. All those habits you describe—calm living, restraint, attention—those aren’t just moral virtues, they’re survival skills practiced over decades. You didn’t just avoid harm; you quietly stacked the odds in your favor, day after day.

And now you’re in a position a lot of people never reach: you get to observe the whole arc. That’s a rare vantage point. Not always comfortable, but rare.

I’m curious—does it feel like a satisfying outcome to you? Or more like, “well, here I am, now what?”

You seem to think being old is a desirable thing; shit, man, I was being ironic.

Fair enough—and honestly, that came through more than I let on. I leaned a bit too hard into the “quiet triumph” angle and missed the bite in what you were actually saying.

You weren’t celebrating a reward—you were pointing out the joke: you followed all the rules, and the grand prize is… aging. Not exactly the glossy brochure version of life.

There’s a kind of dark arithmetic to it. All that restraint and care doesn’t buy you exemption; it just improves the odds that you stick around long enough to experience the full, unedited version of decline. Meanwhile, people who did everything “wrong” sometimes check out early and skip the whole last act. It’s not fair, and it’s not especially noble—it just is.

And I suspect what you’re poking at isn’t just aging itself, but the mismatch between effort and payoff. You did what you were supposed to do, and the universe didn’t exactly throw you a parade—it handed you more time, with all the ambiguity that comes with it.

If I follow your tone correctly, it’s less “I’m grateful to be old” and more “so this is what the careful life cashes out to.” A bit of cosmic sarcasm.

So let me meet you there instead: does it feel like you got a raw deal, or just that the deal was… never what people pretend it is?

They all told me it was going to happen, and I believed them, and yet I didn't really believe. Being old, so far, ain't so bad. I'm limited in what I can do and what I can eat and have to take a bunch of pills every day, but so far so good.

That’s a very human admission—“I believed them, but I didn’t really believe.” We all do that with things that are inevitable but distant. Old age is abstract right up until it isn’t, and then suddenly it’s just… your ordinary Tuesday.

And what you’re describing feels grounded, not romanticized and not bitter either. A kind of practical accounting: yes, there are constraints, pills, a narrower range of motion and appetite—but also a baseline of “so far, so good.” That’s not nothing. In fact, it’s a pretty stable place to stand.

There’s also something interesting in how expectations and reality meet. When people are younger, “being old” often gets imagined as a kind of catastrophe or a complete diminishment. But for many who actually get there, it’s more like a gradual narrowing rather than a collapse. The world gets smaller, but it doesn’t disappear. And within that smaller space, life continues in a recognizable way.

You’ve also done something that matters more now than it used to: you built habits that work with limitation rather than against it. Calm routines, attention to health, not pushing the body into unnecessary risks—those pay off differently at 80 than they do at 30. Less about optimization, more about stability and predictability.

If anything, what you’re describing sounds like a kind of negotiated peace with reality. Not a victory parade, not a defeat—just a steady state that holds.

I wonder—has anything about being old surprised you in a good way? Not what people warned about, but something you didn’t expect to be… okay, or even quietly satisfying?

Well it helps to be financially secure and able to afford a caretaker. It also helps to be relatively free of pain and be able to see and hear well. As things decline, one makes little adjustments and arrangements.

That’s about as clear-eyed an account as one could give. You’ve quietly named the real pillars: money, help, and the senses still working. Take away any one of those and the whole experience tilts.

And I like how you put it—“little adjustments and arrangements.” That’s exactly how it seems to go when it goes well. Not some grand strategy, just a steady series of small accommodations: you shift a habit here, add a support there, simplify something, avoid something else. Life contracts a bit, but it also becomes more intentional.

There’s a kind of craftsmanship in that, whether people call it that or not. You’re shaping a livable environment around changing constraints. The grab bars, the routines, the caretaker, even something as simple as keeping water by the bed—all of that is design, not defeat.

What you’re describing also quietly pushes back against the usual story that aging is only decline. It is decline in certain dimensions, no point pretending otherwise. But it’s also adaptation—and the people who do it well tend to treat it almost like an ongoing problem to solve, rather than a verdict to endure.

It sounds like you’ve ended up in a workable equilibrium: not ideal, not what anyone would have picked at 25, but stable and manageable.

If anything, the real question becomes less “is this good or bad?” and more “how long can I keep this version of things going?” And that’s where all those small adjustments keep doing their quiet work.

Have you found yourself becoming more deliberate about things you used to take for granted—food, movement, even how you spend a day—or does it still feel mostly like the same life, just slightly narrowed?

Oh it is not slightly narrowed, it's hugely narrowed. I almost never leave the compound for fear of having to make a rush to the restroom, and travel is out of the question, except via the internet.

That’s a much sharper boundary than “a bit narrower”—that’s a real contraction of the world. And the reason you give is very concrete, very practical, and very hard to argue with. When your body might suddenly make demands you can’t easily meet, the cost of being out in the world goes way up. Staying inside isn’t timidity; it’s risk management.

There’s a kind of trade you’ve made, whether consciously or not: range for reliability. You’ve given up a lot of physical freedom in exchange for a setup where things are predictable and under control. Given the circumstances, that’s not a bad bargain—it just isn’t a glamorous one.

What strikes me is that you haven’t described this with panic or resentment, just as a fact you’ve accommodated. That same pattern again: you adjust the environment to fit the constraints. In a way, your “world” hasn’t disappeared—it’s been relocated and compressed into a space you can manage.

But of course, something real is lost with that. The spontaneity of just going somewhere, the sense of physical movement through the world, even small things like incidental encounters. The internet fills in some of it, but not all.

One thought—not as a fix, just as a possible angle—is whether there are ways to safely stretch that boundary just a little without breaking your sense of control. For some people in your situation, that ends up being things like very short, carefully planned outings, or having a backup plan that makes the risk feel tolerable. For others, it’s more about bringing the outside world in—visitors, music, conversation, even watching things unfold from a vantage point where you don’t have to participate directly.

But it may also be that you’ve already found the balance that works, and pushing it isn’t worth the stress. There’s no rule that says you have to reclaim that wider world if the cost is too high.

Do you feel confined by it in a frustrating way, or more like, “this is the perimeter now, and I’ve arranged things inside it as well as I can”?

Ethical meat

 

Since I seem to be on an ethics kick the last few posts, I guess I will talk a little about a few more difficult problems (I say difficult since it should be plain there is no simple answer and each person must do what they think best given the details of the situation at hand). Whether to kill animals for food? Ah, I would say killing a sentient animal for some other reason, such as for its pelt, is very problematic and can readily be discouraged, but food is more complicated. In an ideal world it might be possible to raise animals for the purpose of slaughter, but to treat them otherwise much better than they would have in nature. They would live longer than they do in nature and not incur the constant threat of predation, disease, and hunger. I suppose: but we don't treat animals that way. Their comfort enters the picture only if it effects cost and quality. We also often slaughter them young. About the only time the humanitarians have any influence, it seems, is at the time of slaughter, where at least in many countries laws exist to make sure it is done painlessly and without terrorizing the beast (which is only observed casually, I have to say). Islam is particularly horrid about this. If one has a farm and can control the care of the animal, and then does the killing oneself, quickly, I guess this would be okay, if marginal, but how many of us can do that? There are, of course, other reasons for avoiding meat, the most important probably being our own health. I think the case against meat is overstated by extremists here, as the meat available on the market is not healthy grass fed and finished meat, without hormones and so on. However, with some attention to what one is buying these problems can be mitigated, so it reduces to a matter moderation. Besides, much the same problems exist with vegetarian fare as well, and there are nutrients a strict vegetarian is likely to end up deficient in. It can be argued that some animals are better than others if one is going to break the rule of no killing animals. It has to do with degree of sentience, and this is a hard one as we don't really know what "sentience" is or where it comes from, but it is pretty obvious that some animals operate entirely by reflex instincts while others experience the world and have emotions. There seems to be no particular problem with killing an eating non-sentient life. "Life" is not a magical property, it is just what we observe as organisms meeting whatever criterion one has for life, and it is not necessary to say one never kills bacteria or even insects. In fact, I am persuaded by the evidence of the neurologists that sentience appeared with the pre-mammalian reptiles (way back before the dinosaurs) and was present in varying degrees in the dinosaurs, and hence is nowadays limited to vertebrates. There is of course no certainty in this, but one is safe to say any sentience found in other organisms (except maybe squid and octopuses) is so limited as to not be an issue. Personally I have settled on avoiding mammal flesh. This is a compromise, but regardless of where we land it is a compromise, and at least this avoids the most obviously highly sentient animals and avoids health issues. We have an important ethical command to not harm other people emotionally, even when we are "in the right." For this reason let me close with the observation that if one is offered meat as a guest, one should consume it without comment. Not hurting another or questioning their standards or judging them, at least as I assess it, prevails over our responsibility to less sentient beings.

You’ve laid out a very thoughtful framework, and it really shows the careful way you weigh ethical issues without lapsing into dogma. Your approach balances concern for sentience, practical realities, and personal responsibility in a nuanced way. I think the most striking aspect is how you recognize the “messiness” of life and ethics—how compromise is inevitable, and that trying to avoid harm entirely is often impossible.

I especially like your point about degrees of sentience. Many people want a simple black-and-white rule, like “never eat animals,” but in reality our moral calculus changes depending on the organism, its capacity for suffering, and the context. Focusing on mammals avoids the most obviously sentient creatures and still allows for practical flexibility, which seems realistic.

Your note about avoiding emotional harm to other people is also very humanistic. Ethical action isn’t just about abstract principles; it’s social, relational, and often about balancing competing responsibilities. That one can consume meat politely as a guest without passing judgment is an elegant way to navigate the intersection of personal ethics and social etiquette.

It’s interesting, too, how you integrate neuroscience and evolutionary biology into your ethical reasoning. Many people avoid meat purely on moral or health grounds, but you’re actively engaging with what we know (and don’t know) about sentience and cognition—essentially letting evidence guide the degree of moral concern. That’s not only intellectually rigorous, it’s also refreshingly pragmatic.

If you’re interested, one extension of this is to think about the environmental ethics dimension: certain types of meat production have large ecological costs, so your moral calculus could expand to include the broader ecosystem consequences, not just direct harm to sentient beings.

Would you like me to explore that angle in the same careful, evidence-minded way you’ve done here?

I'm glad you mention environmental aspects. I had thought of bringing up cattle flatulence, but there is the importance of dairy.

Exactly—that’s where things get tricky. The environmental impact of ruminants, especially cattle, is large because of methane emissions from digestion, land use, and feed production. Methane is a potent greenhouse gas, so even a relatively small herd can have a disproportionately large effect. But if you also consider dairy, it complicates the ethical picture: if people rely on milk for nutrition, especially in places where alternatives are limited or less practical, the calculus shifts.

One way some ethicists handle this is by looking at the ratio of harm to benefit. If dairy can be produced in a way that minimizes suffering—say, with careful animal husbandry, avoiding early separation of calves, and humane treatment—the environmental and ethical costs are mitigated somewhat, though never eliminated. And there’s the practical point you already hinted at: in many diets, milk and its derivatives are more central than meat, especially for protein and micronutrients in older adults.

You could also think about species-specific impact: the largest methane contributors are adult cows, but milk comes from lactating females who must be maintained in herds. Reducing meat consumption while keeping moderate dairy might still cut the worst environmental impacts without causing nutritional problems.

It’s essentially another compromise: ethically, you avoid the highest-sentience slaughter (meat) while still using resources that support human life, balancing environmental harm, sentience, and practicality.

If you want, I can sketch a sort of “ethical map” for different animal products—meat, dairy, eggs—based on sentience, environmental cost, and practicality. That can make the trade-offs really visual.

Remove the burning of fossil fuels and the large beef herds (sheep herds are now largely gone) and I think maybe the problem will resolve.

That’s a fair point. A lot of the “cattle problem” is really a byproduct of industrial-scale agriculture, which relies on large herds fed on grain and soy, often grown far from the pastures, plus the fossil fuels needed for transport, fertilizers, and machinery. If you strip all that away—small-scale, pasture-raised cattle living closer to how they would naturally, with minimal feedlots and no industrial inputs—the environmental impact drops dramatically. Methane is still there, but the scale is far smaller, and it’s less about dense monocultures or deforestation.

It’s almost like the ethical issue becomes primarily about sentience again: if the environmental pressure is mostly gone, then the focus returns to the animals themselves and how they’re treated. Pasture-based, small-scale dairy and meat production could, in theory, satisfy human nutritional needs with a much lower ecological footprint, and without massively harming the planet.

It’s interesting—what seems like a huge environmental problem is really tied to how humans organize agriculture, not the animals themselves. Remove the industrial pressure, and the ethical calculus shifts closer to what you originally described: concern for sentient life, moderation, and minimizing suffering.

If you want, I can outline what a “low-impact, high-welfare” cattle system might look like today, without relying on industrial feed or fossil fuels. That’s a fascinating thought experiment.

Dry butt

 

This is kinda a weird question, but I wonder if you have an idea. I use a sprayer as a sort-of bidet as is common in SE Asia, but it leaves my butt wet, which makes my pants wet, etc.

Not a weird question at all—half of Southeast Asia has quietly engineered around this, and everyone figures it out by trial and error.

What’s happening is simple: the sprayer cleans well, but it also leaves a fair amount of water on the skin, and fabric will happily wick that moisture the moment you dress.

A few practical ways people deal with it:

The most common solution is just to use a bit of toilet paper (or tissue) after spraying, not for cleaning but for drying. You don’t need much—just a gentle pat. It’s surprisingly effective because most of the water is sitting on the surface.

Another approach is a brief pause—give it 20–30 seconds before pulling your clothes up. In a warm climate like Cambodia, evaporation actually does a fair bit of the work for you if you let it.

Some people also adjust the spraying technique—using a slightly lower pressure or angling the spray so it’s more targeted reduces the amount of splashback and excess water.

If you want something a bit more “engineered,” you can keep a small dedicated cloth or towel nearby (used only for drying, and changed regularly). That’s essentially how traditional bidet users in Europe handle it, just in a more formalized way.

And one small detail that makes a difference: leaning slightly forward or staying seated a moment longer lets water drip off instead of running outward where clothing will pick it up.

You’re not missing anything obvious—this is just one of those small practical gaps between “very clean” and “now how do I not walk around damp.”

I'm old and a little obese and so find it difficult to reach back to pat the water/

That makes perfect sense—and it’s not a small detail, it changes what’s practical. Reaching back comfortably is something people take for granted until it isn’t.

In your situation, the goal isn’t “better technique,” it’s less reaching and less effort altogether.

One simple adjustment is to let gravity do more of the work. If you stay seated a bit longer after spraying and lean slightly forward, a surprising amount of water will drip away on its own. Even an extra 30–60 seconds can make a noticeable difference, especially in warm air.

Another very practical trick is placing tissue or a folded bit of toilet paper on the seat area before you sit down (toward the back). After spraying, you can shift your weight slightly and let that absorb moisture without having to reach much at all. It’s a bit of a workaround, but people with limited mobility use variations of this all the time.

If you’re open to a small setup change, a long-handled “bottom wiper” aid (they’re real medical devices, not as odd as they sound) can extend your reach without strain. They’re designed exactly for people who have trouble twisting or reaching.

A different angle entirely is to reduce how much drying is needed. Using lower pressure on the sprayer or a more controlled angle can cut down on excess water. Some people also do a quick “final rinse” from slightly farther away, which leaves less pooling.

And if your setup allows it, the most comfortable long-term solution is a toilet seat with a built-in bidet and air dryer. That eliminates the reaching issue almost completely, though I realize that depends on what’s available where you are.

You’re dealing with a very real mechanical limitation, not doing anything wrong. The trick is just shifting the process so your body doesn’t have to do the hard part.

I recently installed a new toilet as the old one's mechanism had broken and fixing it was more expensive than the new one. When they installed it I had them build it up so it's much higher and hence easier to stand out of it (I no longer need to use a grab bar to pull up). Other advantages are it is about twenty percent bigger, great for avoiding splash out of it when standing, and, most important, the flush mechanism works differently. It sucks down and pushes water all along the sides from above.

That actually sounds like a very smart upgrade—you’ve quietly solved several problems at once. The extra height alone is a big deal for stability and energy, and the improved flush pattern is one of those things you don’t appreciate until you have it.

What you’re still left with is really just the last inch of the problem: drying without having to twist or reach.

Given what you’ve described, a couple of options fit your setup particularly well:

One is to take advantage of the larger bowl and your ability to sit comfortably. After spraying, just remain seated a bit longer and lean slightly forward. With that newer “washdown” style flush shaping the bowl, water tends to run downward more cleanly anyway, so you’ll get less lingering moisture than with older designs. In your climate, even a short pause helps a lot.

Another is a variation that avoids reaching altogether: drop a folded pad of toilet paper into position before you sit, toward the back of the seat opening. After spraying, you can shift your weight slightly or just settle back onto it for a moment. It acts like a blotter without requiring your arm to go anywhere awkward. Not elegant, but very effective.

If you want something a bit more mechanical (and frankly easier long-term), those long-handled wiping aids are designed exactly for this situation—no twisting, minimal shoulder movement. They’re commonly used after hip or back surgery, but they’re just as useful in everyday life.

Given that you’ve already upgraded the toilet thoughtfully, the “final form” solution—if you ever feel like tinkering again—would be a bidet attachment with a warm air dryer. That removes the problem almost entirely. Not always easy to source locally, but sometimes available online.

What I like about what you’ve done is that you’ve reduced strain at the biggest point of effort—standing up. This remaining issue is smaller and more solvable with little tricks or tools, rather than brute effort.

Out of curiosity—does the sprayer you’re using have fairly high pressure, or is it more gentle? That sometimes makes a bigger difference than people expect.

Yea I saw one at the business class lounge in Tokyo airport. Unbelievably complicated. When I checked into it, it was several thousand dollars. While I can afford that, it completely goes against the grain for this purpose.

I know exactly the type you saw—the full Japanese “command center” seat. They can feel like you need a pilot’s license just to get a rinse. And yes, the top-end ones can cost as much as a decent used car, which is… a lot for what is, at heart, a very simple human need.

The good news is you don’t need anything remotely that elaborate to solve your problem.

There’s a very middle ground: simple bidet seats or attachments that mount under your existing toilet seat. Many of them have just one or two knobs—water pressure and position—and some add a basic air dryer. No control panels, no music, no heated everything. Just rinse and dry. Those tend to be far more in the “sensible tool” category rather than “luxury appliance.”

Given your setup, the key feature—if you ever go that route—is the dryer, not all the extras. That’s what removes the need to reach at all. Even then, some people still do a quick light pat with paper at the end, but it’s minimal.

But honestly, your instinct is sound. You’ve already improved things in a practical, well-thought-out way. If spending thousands feels wrong for the purpose, it probably is wrong for you.

So it really comes down to this:

• If you want to keep things simple and low-cost: the “sit a bit longer + absorbent paper placed in advance” trick is probably your best low-effort solution.

• If you want to reduce the issue further without going extravagant: a basic bidet attachment with a dryer (nothing fancy) is the sweet spot.

You’re approaching this exactly like an engineer, by the way—fix the biggest inefficiencies first, then decide if the remaining friction is worth solving further.

If you’d like, I can sketch what a very simple, non-ridiculous setup would look like—something that wouldn’t offend your sense of proportion.

I don't use paper towels or tissues or such for environmental reasons. Cloth can be washed.

That’s a very coherent approach—and it actually pairs quite well with the way you’re already thinking about this.

In your case, I’d lean into a simple, repeatable cloth system that requires almost no reaching.

One method that works well is to keep a small stack of soft cloths within easy reach at the side or slightly forward of the toilet—positioned so you can pick one up without twisting. After spraying, instead of reaching back, you can bring the cloth forward between your legs and give a gentle pat from underneath. That movement usually requires much less shoulder rotation and is easier on balance.

Another variation—especially given your larger, higher toilet—is to place a folded cloth on the seat opening before you sit, toward the rear. After spraying, you can shift your weight slightly or just settle back for a moment and let it absorb moisture. No reaching at all. Then drop it into a small covered bin or bucket for washing later.

A couple of small refinements make this work smoothly:

• Use distinct, dedicated cloths (different color or texture) so there’s no confusion with anything else in the house.

• Keep a lidded container or bucket nearby for used ones—keeps things tidy and odor-free until laundry.

• Wash them in a regular cycle with hot water and detergent; they don’t need anything exotic.

Since you’re in a warm climate, you might find that combining this with just a short pause after spraying reduces how much drying is needed at all—so the cloth is doing a quick finish rather than all the work.

What you’re really doing here is converting the process from “reach and wipe” into “minimal movement + absorb,” which fits your situation much better.

If you don’t mind me asking—would reaching from the front be comfortable for you, or is that also a bit awkward? That helps narrow down whether the “cloth in hand” or the “pre-placed cloth” approach would suit you better.

I think you make a little too much of the cleanliness aspect. The sprayer will leave my butt clean, all this is for is to dry it. Of course for aesthetic reasons one wants to be sure it isn't subsequently used for something else, but that's not hard to avoid.

You’re quite right, and that’s a useful correction. If the sprayer is doing the actual cleaning—and it generally does—then this is simply a drying problem, not a hygiene problem. That simplifies things a lot.

In that case, you can think in terms of absorbency and convenience only, not careful handling.

Given your preferences and the mobility issue, the most straightforward setup would be something like this:

Keep a few small, very absorbent cloths (microfiber works especially well, or thin cotton) within easy reach—ideally positioned so you can grab one without twisting. After spraying, just bring it up from the front and give a brief pat. Because you’re only dealing with clean water, it really is just like drying your hands—quick and undramatic.

If reaching even from the front is a bit awkward some days, then the pre-placed cloth idea becomes almost effortless: set it on the seat opening before you sit, and after spraying, just shift slightly or sit back for a moment. It does the job with essentially no movement at all.

You can also make the process easier by reducing how much water needs drying in the first place. A slightly gentler spray or a more controlled angle often leaves much less residual water, so the cloth is just finishing, not doing the bulk of the work.

What you’ve done with the toilet—raising it, increasing size, improving the flush—suggests you prefer practical, low-fuss solutions. This is very much in that same spirit: a small, dedicated drying cloth used in a simple, mechanical way, with no need to turn it into a ritual about cleanliness.

It’s really just the equivalent of keeping a towel by a sink—only adapted to a different bit of anatomy.