I want to see what you say about a theory I've long entertained about the source of the characteristics that have largely defined my personality.


My mother was raised by her paternal grandmother from about age ten when my grandmother died young and my maternal grandfather abandoned the family. He was the oldest of four sons. The youngest was not much older than my mother.


During the war my mother roomed with him in Denver in nursing school. He was depressive and the suicide happened during this time. which must have been extremely hard for her. She avoided questions about it, but left nursing school (never becoming an RN) and went to Grand Junction, pregnant with me, to live with my paternal grandparents (my father was in Iceland at the time serving in the war).


This depressive nature is shared by me and my brother, and we have both been on anti depressives much of our lives. My mother when asked (I had reason to ask as I have little if any libido and my brother is similar, although he was able to marry and have a family) she says she never saw girls around, that he was devoted to his work (he was an engineer working on military radar and hence exempt from the draft).

What you are describing connects several deep strands—hereditary mood disposition, the intergenerational residue of sudden family trauma, and the complex ways neurodivergence or distinct temperamental traits manifest across generations.

1. The Lineage of Mood and Brain Chemistry

Major depressive disorder and underlying affective conditions have a well-established, significant genetic component. The fact that your great-uncle, your mother (in her choice to close off and carrying that weight), you, and your brother all share this disposition strongly points to a shared biological baseline.

In families, genetic susceptibility often isn't just about "feeling sad"—it frequently involves core differences in neurotransmitter regulation, stress-response mechanisms, and the baseline regulation of dopamine and serotonin. When a genetic disposition to severe depression runs through a family tree, it often carries alongside it other distinct neurological signatures.

2. Low Libido, Asexuality, and Temperamental Profiles

The observation regarding your great-uncle—his single-minded devotion to engineering work, lack of romantic interest in women (or interest in dating generally), paired with severe depression—and the parallel lack of libido shared by you and your brother opens up a few distinct, plausible possibilities:

  • Inherent Asexual Spectrum or Low-Libido Traits: Asexuality or a naturally absent sex drive can be an intrinsic, non-pathological baseline. It is very possible that your great-uncle was simply on the asexual spectrum, finding his natural fulfillment and intensity of focus in his engineering work rather than in romantic or sexual relationships.

  • Anhedonia and Dopaminergic Baseline: In severe or chronic depressive lineages, the brain's reward pathways (specifically dopamine processing) can operate at a lower baseline. This doesn't just affect mood; it can directly manifest as a reduced drive for physical intimacy, romance, or social connection, while sometimes allowing for deep, singular concentration on specialized intellectual tasks (like radar engineering or technical systems).

  • The Nuance of Chronic Antidepressant Use: For you and your brother, long-term exposure to modern SSRIs or related antidepressants can independently lower or eliminate libido (a well-known side effect that often persists). However, since you noticed this trait early enough to ask your mother about your great-uncle's youth, the underlying trait likely predated or existed independently of medication.

3. Intergenerational Echoes of Traumatic Secrets

Beyond genetics, the narrative environment your mother navigated shaped how these traits were carried.

She endured a profound sequence of losses: losing her mother young, being abandoned by her father, and then—while carrying you and studying nursing during a world war—discovering or suffering the sudden suicide of her young uncle/housemate in Denver.

When families experience a suicide during an era heavily marked by social stigma, two things typically happen:

  1. Silence as a Defense: The event becomes a quiet, unspoken weight. Your mother leaving nursing school and retreating to Grand Junction reflects a young woman carrying an overwhelming burden of grief and stress while trying to protect her unborn child.

  2. Attribution and Explanation: When you asked her about him years later, her focus on his devotion to work and lack of romantic life was likely both an honest observation and a protective narrative—an attempt to make sense of a quiet, isolated young man whose internal suffering was invisible until it was too late.

Bringing the Theory Together

Your theory holds real weight. What you are likely looking at is a converging family profile: a distinct genetic vulnerability to depression, paired with a natural temperamental inclination toward a quiet, low-libido or asexual baseline and high intellectual or technical focus.

Your great-uncle was operating with that exact same baseline, but in an era without modern understanding of clinical depression or support, under the intense pressure of wartime defense work, and carrying his own inherited predisposition. Understanding his life doesn't just explain a tragic event in Denver in the 1940s—it gives context to the very architecture of your own mind and your family's history.

The highly intellectual nature of the family is obvious. I did Harvard and my brother Colorado School of Mines. My mom taught us to read before school, as well as the constellations, an odd but useful thing to have. Let me say that you mention of lack of affection is incorrect: I can and have formed close and lasting friendship bonds with both men and women and very much enjoy personal contact so long as clothed and no kissing. The actual sexual acts, both heterosexual, and homosexual, that I know about are only mildly repulsive.

Thank you for that important clarification. That distinction—between sexual attraction/acts and deep emotional intimacy—is crucial, and it refines the picture significantly.

Deep Intimacy Without Sexual Drive

Enjoying rich, lasting friendships, valuing physical proximity and personal contact, but having no interest in sexual acts or physical eroticism is a classic expression of the asexual spectrum (often specifically described as alloromantic asexuality or strong platonic/affectionate capacity without sexual desire).

In many people, social, emotional, and physical affection (hugs, closeness, deep conversation, shared lives) are entirely distinct from sexual appetite. Recognizing that sexual acts themselves feel unnecessary or mildly off-putting, rather than avoiding human warmth altogether, shows that your capacity for bonding is completely intact—it simply operates without a sexual engine behind it.

The intellectual Thread & Early Conditioning

Your mother teaching you to read and identifying constellations before you even started school points to a home environment where intellectual curiosity was the primary language of connection.

When a family combines high cognitive ability with a quiet or non-sexual baseline, intense intellectual focus often becomes the primary vehicle for engaging with the world. For your great-uncle, that showed up in his radar engineering; for you and your brother, in elite academic paths like Harvard and the Colorado School of Mines.

Refining the Family Profile

Looking at the whole picture now, the inherited traits across the generations show a very coherent pattern:

  1. High Cognitive Capacity: A shared, inherited sharpness and intellectual drive that manifests early.

  2. Asexual / Low-Libido Baseline: A natural neurological baseline where sexual desire is minimal or absent, even while the capacity for genuine affection, companionship, and close friendship remains strong.

  3. Affective Vulnerability: A biological predisposition toward depressive episodes or low baseline serotonin/dopamine, which can exist alongside high intelligence and strong social bonds.

Seen this way, your great-uncle's devotion to his work wasn't necessarily a cold detachment or an inability to love; it may simply have been the natural expression of a mind wired, like yours, to seek meaning, focus, and connection outside the realm of sexual relationships.


Gemini is AI and can make mistakes.