Judgmentalism

To be "judgmental" is kinda the opposite of having good judgment about people.  It's seeing the wrong in people and not the right -- an imbalance that in its extremes is bias and prejudice.

Still, if someone insults us or lies to us or steals from us or our partner is unfaithful and so on, aren't we justified in having bad thoughts about them?  The problem is the bad thoughts achieve nothing and may harm us.  Also, there is such a thing as forgiveness.  We should try to find ways to forgive, even without an apology or restitution.  Our relationships are worth more than our short-term feelings or material possessions.

Of course that doesn't mean we just forget: we learn and it may alter our behavior -- learn what the person is sensitive about, learn not to leave money laying around (bad habit anyway), maybe talk the event over in private and maybe make changes in the terms of the relationship.  Also remember that we don't ever know the whole story of why the thing happened.  We are all subject to desires of a short-term nature that may overwhelm our better judgment.  That we should control these desires goes without saying, and therefore should not be said.

What worries me the most and is in fact that brings me to post this is that people sometimes get in the habit of constantly judging others, in spite of the scriptural admonition that judgment belongs to the Lord.  Society must "judge" criminals, but not us.  It is not our position to mete out punishment either except in limited situations, and then neither we nor society has the right to decide someone is bad, but only to respond appropriately and compassionately to the actual offense.

So if someone offends us with their appearance or mode of speech, or is fat or effeminate or an alcoholic or other addict or has sticky fingers or boasts or gossips or is ostentatious or pedantic (like me), and so on, don't "forgive" them, just be wisely ignorant (in other words you know but you don't know).  Remember compassion and that you do not know the whole story.