Bullying

We tend to want to deny it but we are more subject to our instincts than we think.

Of course as "intelligent" free-will beings we think we are our masters, but phenomena like bullying belie this.  The benefit benefits no one, especially the bully who only makes enemies and is disliked by others not around, yet it goes on everywhere, and we know not just among children: especially not just among children.

I think there exists a will to dominate (and a will to submit, but that is another thing for another time) -- a desire to control and even be worshiped.  As with all desires, it has to be attributed to fundamental instincts, thing evolution has built into us, probably for complicated, hard to discern reasons.

Growing up in a somewhat rural area, I had to deal with my share of bullies.  Fortunately for me I was always a little large for my age, and this helped, but, to tell the truth, I was also something of a push-over in that I was non-violent by temperament and eager (to the point that looking back on it is embarrassing) to please adults and obey all the rules -- which of course meant no fighting.  So I was not part of the boys' pecking order.

However, I did pay attention in physical education classes and knew how to fight, so when it got too far and I lost my temper I generally won the affair and that particular would-be bully, after a few tries, would stop.  I remember one boy in particular, laying on his back with my knee on his throat, saying, "I think I want to be your friend."

This is all very masculine, boys being physical.  As I understand it girls have the same instinct but females are less physical and more verbal, so they bully in verbal ways.  That to me seems much worse -- not that boys don't do that too but in the end with them it ends up being physical most of the time, so that it can have a more effective end-point most of the time.

The real problem is that we carry this instinct forward into adulthood, where we may learn more subtle ways of doing it (and some still brutal and unsubtle).  It causes unhappy marriages, unhappy and vengeful children, disgruntled employees, and maybe even wars.

What can be done?  Well of course mindfulness is a solution; our desires (which generally have an instinctive origin) can be resisted if we are aware of them and how they manifest.  An instinct is not destiny and as long as we recognize some aspect of our behavior as deriving from our animal nature (actually that is a bad way of putting it as we remain animals no matter what we do, but the phrase is understood), it is relatively easy to refrain and find perhaps other outlets.

Of course the bully doesn't want to do that.  The instinct rewards the bully with pleasure.  That's the main way instincts work -- they reward us with a pleasurable experience, so in many cases intervention is needed to teach the little bastard a lesson and render the experience less pleasurable.